Rolling Stone / SPIN
The crowning achievement in anti-Fiona letters. This
one, quoted from the February 1998 issue of SPIN magazine, is
in response to an interview Ms Apple gave for the November 1997
issue ("Girl Trouble", cover story). Go crazy.
"The Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but it falls hard -
and in Fiona's case, on its fucking head. Thank you ever so
much for John Weir's cover story; now I know that my immediate,
gut-level, and seemingly irrational disgust for that whining,
self-obsessed, Keane-eyed trauma queen was completely
justified. Not only does she tell the same exact stories (the
Dog, the Rape, the Tantrums, the Horror!) ad nausea to
every gullible reporter, she exaggerates more than Courtney
Love on a good day. For example, Ms Crabapple's rendition of
the Carrie-like 'Amanda Wheaton' birthday plot: Don't you find
it a bit far-fetched that, circa 1987, prepubescent boys were
flashing ten-dollar wagers like chump change? I was ten then,
too, and that much money would have kept me in Pez for a
hogwild month.
Fiona must have aced Remedial Media Posing 101. How pitiful is
a statement like 'I decided if I was going to be exploited,
then I would do the exploiting myself' ?! If she wants to push
some units by cavorting around in size-four halter tops and
blue-lace teddies, that's her prerogative - but Fiona, please
don't try to pretend it's some sly, post-femnist meta-media
game. They're using you, baby doll, and you're simply
rationalizing it. If you really want to make a statement, how
about sporting a burlap bag in your next video, preferably
draped over yr head? Fiona is indeed every girl you knew in
junior high, Mr Weir. Only problem is, girlfriend is supposed
to be a woman by now. I'm 20, as well, and through with trying
to act all 'freaky and possessed' to get attention. And if I
had a proverbial nickel for every belle jar I've met with 'hair
horns' and a navel ring, I'd be as wealthy as Fiona's Zoloft
supply man."
Love,
Tony Stockton
Richmond, VA
The 19 March 1998 Rolling Stone contained letters in response
to the January issue, which featured an article regarding Fiona
Apple. Here are some of the negative responses we thought were
noteworthy.
"There are very few things in life more irritating than whiny,
self-absorbed teenagers who think they have deep things of
great importance to say. For someone who believes herself to be
brave and truthful, poor little Fiona seems to have a lot of
trouble handling criticism. Long live Janeane Garofalo, who
gets by on talent rather than on a willingness to shimmy around
in underwear."
B.E. BRADLEY
Edwardsville, Illinois
"Fiona Apple is on psychiatric medication, she drinks alcohol
and she carries rolling papers in her purse. And people wonder
what the hell's wrong with her ? Psychiatrist, my ass - get the
girl into rehab!"
AMANDA L. KULP
Pottstown, Pennsylvania
Editors' Note : We realise this letter is not a slam against
Fiona, but it was funny anyway. Enjoy.
"To Chris Heath : Nice move making Fiona Apple cry. I'll bet
you rooted for the forest fire in Bambi."
R.T. CASTLEBERRY
Houston, Texas
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Last Modified : 5th March 1998