10 REASONS WHY FIONA SHOULDN'T BE A ROLE MODEL

Fiona Apple thinks she is a good role model. That's what she said at the VH1 Fashion Awards press conference. Does this make any sense? Let's take a look at ten very important reasons why choosing this person as a role model would not be the wisest thing to do.


1. Her MTV speech: Nevermind how rude, degrading, and hypocritical it was. She was admittedly drunk at the time. Drunk in public? And underage? Exactly what every adolescent girl should aspire to.

2. Her medication: She says she is chemically incapable of happiness. Not unusual, although it sounds more like something only a true product of the American mental health system would say. The real problem here? Her drug use. She openly drinks alcohol, but anyone on a psychiatric medication should know that drinking while on such medicine causes seizures. And taking any substance that in any way alters your body chemistry, like illegal drugs, while taking a prescription medication can counter the effects of the medication or cause a lethally toxic interaction. She doesn't hide her drug use. She seems more interested in that than her piano. An acquaintance of mine worked with her in the studio, and his report was this: She's not very bright, to be nice. She knows more about drugs than the piano, and she's always out of it. Sounds just like a role model. Either she is incredibly ignorant or she really wants people to think she has serious problems. Role models usually outgrow that attention-getter by their late teens.

3. PETA: As with many hypocritical animal rights activists, Apple seems unaware that the medication that supposedly keeps her sane has been tested on animals. The FDA won't approve the marketing of any drug otherwise. And the charities for AIDS research she supports give money to labs that require animals to do their research. According to what PETA stands for, she should be thrown out as a member. But as long as she sends in those checks, PETA will overlook these things. Another celebrity taken by gold-digging organizations. Would she be willing to stop taking her medicine to boycott the use of animals in scientific research? Probably not--that would mean she's not really insane.

4. Rolling Stone ABC special: On Rolling Stone's TV special, Apple made it clear why she got into the music industry--to make people like her. She told another sob story (violins, please) about making her album and biking along the beach to see people who didn't notice her, and she would think that soon they would all stop and stare and want to be her friends. Now, people have turned on her and think it's cool to call her stupid. She's hurt. This is downright pathetic. You need an audience to be a performer, yes, but to try and make a friend out of a nation is an obvious and just plain sad attempt at wanting to be popular. This isn't high school, Fiona. Stop trying to make us all mallrats like you.

5. Eating disorders: In Rolling Stone, not only did she say she had once had an eating disorder, she made the claim that all girls have eating disorders. Then she said that she never had an eating disorder (Did you catch the contradiction?), but that she had suffered from "self-loathing." As if the two were separate things. You don't have to have much background in psychology to know that all eating disorders are symptoms of a major psychological problem--self-loathing. It's not so much about wanting to be thin as wanting to be liked. Being thin is seen as a way to become more well-liked. To separate that basis from eating disorders after a blatant contradiction like that is a sign of someone who likes to talk a lot about things she really doesn't know much about. And to say all girls have an eating disorder--shows what she thinks of her fans.

6. Weakness: For someone who has chosen such a public career, Fiona seems to have trouble developing a skin to survive. She gets mad at Howard Stern for poking fun at her, as if she should expect anything else. This is Howard Stern. What else needs to be said? She snaps at anyone who says anything against her. Maybe she knows that being so defensive often means the truth has been revealed. And Janeane Garofalo's parody of her speech made her cry. She seems more like a baby who does something stupid and throws a tantrum when someone points it out to her. Janeane is a comedian, and her angle is lookism in America. Fiona is one of the most visible examples of such lookism today, and she knows it. Did she really expect this comedian to be nice about her? Did she cry when Sarah MacLachlin sang "Basted in Blood" for her on SNL? If she can't lighten up and take criticism in stride, she does not belong in the public eye. And when her defenders blast people who make her cry or hurt her feelings, they just show that she really is incapable of holding it together. It shows that they realize she is too weak to handle such pressure. If they thought she was strong, why would they defend her like that? She should be able to defend herself. Without the hysterical tears and drama.

7. School: Fiona went to a school for kids with learning disabilities. There's no shame in that. But she missed so many days of school one has to wonder if she really had a learning disability or if she was just lazy. And she never even graduated. Obviously, she felt music was more important than school, even though she has admitted to doing virtually nothing to be noticed for her music. Is this what a role model tells kids? Stay out of school and write poems all day and you'll be famous, too? Sounds a bit irresponsible for a mature young adult. Fine for an artist, but not a role model.

8. Kids: She has said that the reason she doesn't want kids is because she'd mess them up. So why would she want to be a role model for a nation of kids? Anyone who admits to being a bad influence on kids shouldn't then claim to be a role model.

9. The turkeys: Go with yourself. Unless you eat meat. Then do what Fiona says.

10. Dying young?: She says a reporter took her comment about dying young too seriously. She also said she was taken too seriously as a kid when she joked about killing herself. Is it possible for one human being to be so stupid? Anyone with any degree of common sense knows that if someone says anything about killing herself or himself, the person is either looking for attention or is calling for help. Claiming to be misquoted or misinterpreted is an easy way out. The kids who shot their classmates talked about doing it for a while. No one took them seriously. So, Fiona, are you really having problems or should we just not take anything you say seriously? Oh, right. She's insane. But she's not. But she can't be happy without her medicine. She needs therapy. But she's a mature young woman. But she's not a role model. But she is. This girl has no idea what the hell she is and has no right claiming to be a role model for anyone else.

from Amanda L. Kulp

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Last Modified : 13th June 1998