4  April  2005 
16:21 Pacific Standard Time

Fucking Airlines

Last Thursday I made the two-hour journey from Eugene to Portland, to pick up someone from the airport. It was a Delta flight, and before I left Eugene I checked the Delta website to make sure the flight was on time. I checked the website after the flight's departure time, which I thought would be safe. Fucking airlines do have a bad habit of not announcing that a flight is delayed until the very last minute, but if the flight had departed, I shouldn't have that problem. I was wrong. I got to the Portland airport right when the flight was to arrive, only to find it had been delayed THREE FUCKING HOURS. I had taken the day off from work anyway, but I don't know my way around Portland. I had nothing to do for three hours but kill time. That's standard at airports, but this time the bastards had to add insult to injury: I basically walked in the airport and walked right back out, and ended up paying three dollars for parking for the 17 minutes I was there. What a ripoff! They have a 10 minute grace period, which is not really enough time to do anything at all. I imagine many people have circled the garage looking for a place, exited the parking garage, and had to pay three bucks for the privilege.

The bottom line is that Delta has joined America West at the top of my shitlist. But I fully endorse Southwest Airlines, the only ones that
a) Don't have their heads in their asses,
b) Don't have elitist First Class sections,
c) Are actually turning a profit (!)

I don't think it's a coincidence that the only airline that treats passengers humanely is the only one making money. It makes me sick to my stomach, knowing that the US government bailed out several airlines when they were bankrupt. Why? Why do corporations get handouts from the government when they mismanage funds, but ordinary citizens who are inundated with misleading credit card offers have to pay it all off (since George "Il Duce" Bush reinstituted debt peonage. That's to make sure the credit card companies don't lose any money when they allow people to rack up debt far beyond their means.

Briefly, I would like to mention why America West is on my airline shitlist. I was in a plane in Arizona (or somewhere with a similar climate) and our flight was delayed. We were forced to sit on the runway for hours. And the cabin temperature rose to about 90-100 F. I was nauseous most of the time due to the heat (and dehydration), but they wouldn't let us out. You can imagine how the bathroom smelled after hours of marination in that heat. So America West, if you're reading this, I hope you're the next to go bankrupt. And I hope all your fucking executives get sent to jail for fraud (pretty much all executives commit fraud, so I guess I'm saying I hope they get caught).

12  April  2005 
22:38 Pacific Standard Time

Spicy Black Beans
an approximate recipe

It's funny how someone can be very particular about one thing, but completely nonchalant about another even when the two things appear to be of similar importance. I keep track of a lot of mundane details of things in my life, but I have surprisingly few recipes on file. And I refer to them seldom. Ingredients are almost always approximate for me. Regardless, I made some really tasty beans tonight, and felt like sharing the recipe.

Ingredients:

2 cups black beans / frijoles negros / feijões negros
1/2 onion / cebolla / cebola
3 cloves garlic / ajo / alho
3-8 fresh jalapeño peppers
3-4 slices bacon
Mexican oregano
allspice
black pepper
cilantro
cumin (?)
coriander (?)
1/2 cup orange juice
1/2 cup grapefruit juice
1 1/2 cups water
salt

Instructions:

Cut up the bacon, cook it on low heat. When the bacon looks safe to eat (i.e., not quite crispy, but any parasites should be dead) throw in the minced onion, garlic, and peppers. Cook until the onion is browned, then throw in the (previously soaked) beans and stir-fry the mixture for a few minutes. Add all the rest of the ingredients except the salt, then pressure cook at 15 psi for about 10 minutes, remove from heat, allow to cool. If you don't have a pressure cooker, cook the beans in water for 2 hrs and drain before adding to the garlic / onions. Add salt to taste. Serve with rice.

Notes:

I hate raw onions, so I pulverized mine in a food processor. Mincing would work fine for most people. I keep soaking my beans too long (I forget about them, so soak them for two days instead of one), so they lose a lot of their color. But supposedly soaking leaches out the stuff that causes gas. They taste fine, even if they're a bit lighter than black.

I put question marks by cumin and coriander because I use them all the time, and though I can't remember specifically whether I used them tonight, it's most probable. Whenever my mom made enchiladas, which had a lot of cumin, I thought the smell was body odor, at least from a distance. But maybe that's just me. I also think coffee has a vaguely skunk-like smell from a distance. I use more coriander than any other spice in the cupboard. American "curry" powder is cumin, coriander, and turmeric. Coriander is used in Mexican, Brazilian, Thai, and Indian foods. The British call cilantro coriander, while in the United States we only use "coriander" to mean the seed of the plant. Cilantro tastes very much different from coriander; I wonder how the root of the plant tastes? Some Thai recipes call for coriander / cilantro root, but I've never had any available.

Allspice is not some combo with dehydrated onion and MSG like Mrs. Dash; it's actually a distinct spice. I didn't know that until recently. It has an interesting flavor that is a lot like cloves / cinnamon / nutmeg / etc. There has to be some sort of family for those spices--the ones that are often used in desserts. Anyway, because I am lazy and experimental, I've been using allspice a lot lately. It's a decent substitute for garam masala, which is just pepper, cloves, and a couple of those other dessert spices.

I wrote jalapeño peppers in the above recipe, but that isn't what I used tonight. I used firecracker / piquin peppers which are hotter than jalapeños. Four piquin peppers was about hot enough for me, but if you are wimpy abou spicy food, use at least two jalapeños. I would probably use eight jalapeños, or use fewer peppers but throw in some of the seeds to spice it up.

I think the orange and grapefruit juice really add a lot of flavor, especially when using a pressure cooker. Beans definitely need help when it comes to flavor. I also use those juices with meats, sometimes.

A lot of my cooking is instinct, since every meal is a new experiment. I never make the same thing twice, because I always have to tweak it--sometimes by choice, sometimes by necessity. You can only use the ingredients you have in the house, if you don't plan far enough ahead.

If you use this recipe, let me know if you like it.

20  April  2005 
13:53 Pacific Standard Time

A quick update

Recently (27 March) I mentioned Lipstick and Dynamite, the movie about women in pro-wrestling, because I had read a review in Blender magazine and then saw two of the wrestlers on Conan O'Brien (The Fabulous Moolah and the Great Mae Young). Well, the other day I was listening to Fresh Air on NPR, and there was an interview with Moolah (though Mae was not there, probably because she'd have difficulty speaking in complete sentences). I don't like NPR's Javascript and smil files, so I've taken the trouble to give you the direct link to the RealAudio file, which is here.

After I watched the first episode of Survivor: Palau I quoted from redneck James, and said that I hoped he stuck around for awhile, because he amused me. Well, James is gone, along with his entire tribe except for Stephenie, the Pharma sales rep. This season of Survivor has been far more interesting than any of the others (that I've seen), and I've been rooting for Stephenie for the past month or so. She totally kicks ass! In this case, it really does seem like the fittest player survived.

At the risk of sounding racist, I would like to ask, why the hell don't (or can't) black folks swim? This is something I've noticed for many years, and my observations keep getting reinforced.
Case 1: Ibrehem, on Survivor. His inability to dive down in the sea and pick up a bottle was the sole reason his team lost an immunity challenge.
Case 2: Karamo, on the Real Word Inferno II. He didn't even attempt one contest because it would involve him wading through some water to get on a platform. What a fucking pussy!
Case 3: the dozens of black folks I know who don't or can't swim.

So someone, please, let me know what's the deal. Is this a cultural issue? Most black girls I know go to extreme efforts to protect their hair from getting wet, but that doesn't explain why black men don't swim. And for the people who haven't noticed this strange trend, keep an eye out. For any black people reading this, drop me a line, let me know if you swim, and whether you think I'm a racist bastard for even suggesting that there is a trend here or if my observations are accurate.

I am reminded of a comedian named Louis CK, who has been on Conan O'Brien several times, and wrote/directed the movie Pootie Tang (which was pretty dumb, but did have some pretty funny parts as well). Anyway, one of Louis CK's routines is about negative versus positive stereotypes. He says we should start using positive stereotypes (that are also untrue), such as "You know what they say about Puerto Ricans, don't you? They can fly!" or "You know what they say about Jews, don't you? They're made of candy!"

Mmmmm . . . candy.

22  April  2005 
11:11 Pacific Standard Time

Some theories about why blacks don't swim

I've had a couple of very interesting replies to my question about why black people either don't know how to swim or choose not to swim, compared with other ethnic groups. This first comment confirms some of my observations:

I read your story about blacks swimming, and I've had many black friends confirm it. Usually in a joking matter, saying stuff like "Don't forget to turn the faucet off, shanika, you know we don't swim!", or something similar. That aside I've seen more than a few black people at the beach in the surf, and on swim teams, but I don't think that it abolishes the stereotype. For the most part, blacks don't swim. Why? My theory is that it fucks up their hair, for which they buy copious amounts of treatments and spend obscene amounts at salons and barbershops. So in their lifetime quest to keep their hair from getting wet, they never learn how to swim. So even if they later shave it all off, they still are afraid to go in the water above their chests.

So we have at least one vote for hair being the reason black people don't swim. Below is an economic-based theory, that I thought was very insightful:

Anyway, to answer your question about swimming: when was the last time you saw a black family with a swimming pool in their back yard? For that matter, when was the last time you saw a black family with a back yard? While the middle and upper classes have long been populated with numerous black families, most blacks are still living in undesirable economic conditions; owning a pool would be unthinkable. Children, therefore, do not learn to swim at an early age. If you've ever seen an adult try to learn how to swim, it's not pretty.

You could counter that public pools are available. To which I would make two replies: 1) have you ever seen a city pool? It's horrible, and it's overcrowded. You might get your feet wet, but you're not going to do laps, let alone have an organized lesson; 2) during the post-Brown v. Board period of desegregration, many pools that had been treated as public were found to have a legal status of private; as a result, the whites who owned them, rather than comply with desegregation orders, simply shut them down, and expended money to open their own private clubs where they could swim in ivory bliss. For reasons spanning both money and pride, blacks no longer frequented pools in the public domain.

What about the ocean? Well, I don't know the general lay of the land, but in New Jersey, to hit many beaches, you have to pay a membership fee. Who doesn't get to go? People with no money. Who doesn't have money? See above.

Is this race based? No. It's economic based. My father (white, by the way), didn't hit a pool until he was in his 20s, and as quick a learner as he was, never completely took to water. I lapped his ass on a regular basis. Is this race-coincidental? Absolutely. And swimming isn't the only phenomenon where you can see this. How many black hockey players do you know? Why do you think Tiger Woods is such a big deal? And so on. So, the short answer to your question is that it all boils down to facility accessibility, and the diminishing of human adaptability to new things as we age.

I do have a couple comments in response to this. The first is that Tiger Woods is not black. I do not subscribe to the notion of hypodescent, which basically says that even if you have only a single black ancestor, you're black. So Halle Berry is not black, in my opinion, because her mom is white. Tiger Woods is less black still, being a Cabalasian or whatever the hell he calls himself. Likewise, many (most, actually) of the "black" people living in the US are not all black. I suspect most are at least 10% Caucasian, by ancestry. Unfortunately, that's mostly due to white slaveowners raping black women.

Another comment I have is based on the notion that you need a swimming pool to learn to swim. I only had one friend, while I was growing up, who had a pool in his backyard. And I only swam in that pool a couple times. However, my family did have a membership at the YMCA, and that isn't free. But I also think there are enough public beaches that we should see more black surfers, or Olympic swimmers. But there was a followup to that comment:

I spoke with a friend of mine who's black. She was surprised by your observation -- not that she disagreed, but that she had observed the same thing, both in civilian life and in Special Forces. She agreed with my facilities rationale, but also suggested that blacks have higher muscle density and therefore negative buoyancy. I don't know how much I buy into that, but those were her thoughts. She also offered another story - when her mother was at Indiana University in the 1930s, when the whites were finished using the pool, the blacks could use it. After the blacks had finished using the pool, staffers would drain the pool, clean it, and refill it before whites got back in.

I think body density is perhaps one of the biggest reason black people don't swim. Instead, they sink. The blubber-like fat that white people have is NOT a black characteristic. If you see a fat black person, that's likely due to Caucasian blubber genes. Of course, there is a lot of genetic diversity in Africa, but you have to remember that most of the slaves from Africa came from a few very specific countries on the west coast, like Senegal and Gambia. I've heard Brazilians say that the black people in Brazil look nothing like those in the U.S. (for one, Brazilian blacks are much smaller in stature). Anyway, it appears the jury is still out, but I've heard three compelling explanations: hair, body density, and economics/racism. Feel free to add to the discussion.

28  April  2005 
14:47 Pacific Standard Time

Where are you going, where have you been?

There's no real reason for the above reference to a Joyce Carol Oates story other than the fact that it popped into my head. I will say that one of her stories, Expensive People, had perhaps the most enthralling openings I've ever read:

I was a child murderer.

I don't mean child-murderer, though that's an idea. I mean child murderer, that is, a murderer who happens to be a child, or a child who happens to be a murderer. You can take your choice. When Aristotle notes that man is a rational animal one strains forward, cupping his ear, to hear which of those words is emphasized- rational animal, rational animal? Which am I? Child murderer, child murderer? It took me years to start writing this memoir, but now that I'm started, now that those ugly words are typed out, I could keep on typing forever. A kind of quiet, blubbering hysteria has set in. You would be surprised, normal as you are, to learn how many years, how many months, and how many awful minutes it has taken me just to type that first line, which you read in less than a second: I was a child murderer.

You think it's easy?

With that out of the way, let me post one last followup comment on the blacks and swimming issue:

My theory is the negative buoyancy. If you cannot float very well, it is harder to learn how to swim.

In Brazil, however, most people who live coastally can swim, independant of race. Since the ocean is readily available to anyone, Cariocas are taught how to swim early in life, because their friends and family are always taking them to the beach.

(In case you were wondering, a carioca is someone from Rio de Janeiro.) I don't think this mystery will ever be fully solved. Speaking of swimming, the CEO of web browser company Opera is planning to swim from Norway to the U.S.! I certainly wouldn't be brave enough to try that.

Life has been pretty good, lately. The weather here in Eugene is gorgeous, and I've been able to ride my bike to work this week (though not today, because yesterday the shower broke, goddammit). But what I've been really looking forward to is tonight's dinner. I won tickets to an event called Chef's Night Out which would ordinarily be over $50 each. I've tried to not eat anything today, in preparation for gorging myself this evening, but I did have a bagel with cream cheese. It shouldn't spoil my appetite too much.

While I'm on the subject of food, let me give the recipe for some Thai soup I made two days ago:

Tom Kha Gai (Thai coconut / chicken soup)

Ingredients:
couple pounds chicken
5 thick slices of galanga root (looks like ginger, but isn't)
2 cans coconut milk
1 head Napa cabbage
mushrooms (I used oyster mushrooms)
2 cloves garlic
5 kaffir lime leaves
juice from 2-3 limes
1 tsp. coriander
1/2 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. turmeric
1 tsp. sambal oolek (red chili paste)
soy sauce to taste
cilantro

Instructions:
First, make some chicken stock. I took the chicken scraps and dissolved them by pressure cooking for about 20 minutes at 15 psi. I added galanga and cilantro stems at this step, to make the stock taste better. I also used one can of coconut milk, but if you aren't using a pressure cooker, use water. Next, cut the rest of the chicken into bite size pieces and brown them. Throw the chicken pieces and the rest of the ingredients (except the cilantro) into the pot and cook until the Napa cabbage becomes translucent. Serve with fresh cilantro and rice.

Notes: Most recipes call for fish sauce instead of soy sauce, but I have trouble using fish sauce in something I'm going to end up eating. If you don't make chicken stock, you'll want to use fish sauce to add flavor. Soy sauce has salt and (naturally occuring) MSG, so it's a decent fish sauce substitute. Shrimp would also improve the flavor, but that's technically a different soup (tom kha goong) Galanga tastes nothing like ginger, but if you use ginger as a substitute, the soup will still taste good. Just not very authentic. I didn't have any lemongrass on hand, but that's a usual ingredient. For any linguists out there: kha = galanga,
gai = chicken,
goong = shrimp / prawns
and I think tom = soup.